Starting Weight: 233 lbs
Today’s Weight: 216 lbs
Total Weight loss: 17 lbs
So, I can’t explain how excited and hopeful I am today…the end of this week my weight loss slowed a little..I only lost .5 lbs on wed. and .4 lbs on thur. But then when I got up this morning and weighed, I had lost 2.3 lbs…which totally made up for it! I just can’t believe that I’ve lost 17 lbs in 13 days..that is truly unbelievable to me.
Here are some exciting things that happened this week: Wore a pair of jeans that I bought 3 years ago..wore once and then gained too much weight to ever wear again. And today, I have on a pair of Victoria Secret “pink” sweatpants that I”ve been dying to wear again..they were my favorite about 3 years ago but I grew out of them rather quickly…and am so excited to be able to wear them again! I am finding myself spending time, just standing in my closet just trying on everything that hasn’t fit in over 3 years..it’s really a liberating and motivating thing to do!
I also realized that this is the week that people start ‘noticing’ me again. This whole experience of going from having a great body and getting attention etc.. to gaining so much weight that some people didn’t even recognize me has really been hard on the ego and confidence. I think the central theme throughout it has been the question of “is there more to me than just the way I look?” and it’s really made me stop and ask myself where my confidence comes from..and I think in the past I got so much attention because of my appearance that I began to rely on that to fuel my self esteem. So, when that goes away..what do you have left? I’ve noticed over the past 3-4 years that everytime something goes wrong in my life, I’ve blamed it on the fact that I was overweight..and I’ve found myself saying ” well if I was thin and attractive, that wouldn’t have happened” and unfortunately…many of the times that is true. I don’t care what anyone says but the fact of the matter is…people get treated differently based upon their appearance. I’ve experienced it myself many many times. Having gone from thin, to overweight you get an up close and personal glimpse at the true colors and integrity of people. Maybe that was the whole point of my experience, I’m yet to know that at this point. However, I can guarantee that it has changed the way that I view people and interact with them.
While I’m in deep thought here lol, I’d also like to talk about self image. I find it fascinating to watch those programs where girls who are barely 125 lbs get up and talk about how they think of themselves as being ‘fat’..and when they look in the mirror they see a ‘fat’ person. I believe they call this ‘body dismorphia’. However, I have never heard an overweight person say that they have the opposite problem..where they don’t recognize themselves as being as overweight as they really are. I don’t know if I am the only person who has experienced this or not but I will never forget the first photograph that I saw of myself after I had begun gaining weight. It launched me into a pretty deep depression because I had NEVER thought of myself as looking like that. When I saw that photo I literally had to look at it for several seconds before even realizing that I was in the photo. I think my mental image of myself was the way that I had always looked, and I never replaced it with the ACTUAL way that I looked..it was a very hard reality to take. Even now, I struggle with this b/c in my mind, I don’t see myself as being overweight..and even thought I’ve lost a total of 30lbs since March, I feel like I should look ‘back to normal’..and I am noticing that my confidence is coming back. However, just yesterday when I passed by a window of a store and saw myself…I realized that I’ve still got a long way to go…before I’m back to normal. It was almost as if someone took a pin and completely bursted my balloon and I said to myself “ya, your still fat, don’t get too excited”. Which is a negative thought that I am trying to replace with positive thoughts..but honestly, it was my first thought.
There are some times when I look forward to a day when I don’t have to constantly worry about what I look like, or feel uncomfortable in clothes, or live by the scale…and I know that day is alot closer than it was 2 months ago. So this process is not only an exercise in self confidence..but also in PATIENCE!

Food Log
Exercise Log